The Worst Dream Team Ever
by DissimilarSomeone
Summary: A legendary telltale about the lamest best hunters ever, starring Francis's strength and mental agility, Ryoko's potential and rage, Daniel's shenanigans and Joanne's redheadness, and the other fellas they meet during their adventure: OCs. Rated M for cursing, violence, blood/gore, alcohol/drugs reference, possible lemmons, and pretty much everything M. There will also be romance.


"Tadadadadada da-dada, dadadada-dada tadadadadadada-da!...  
...hmm qué rico!"  
"Seriously dany shut up."  
"Stop being so grumpy."

She lazily took the meat out of the fire. Like the music said (kindly helped by Daniel) the steak was well-done just in the right point.

"The bbq already plays the song, why do you have to sing it too?"  
"It's a devil damn masterpiece."  
"Come on, it doesn't even have lyrics"  
"Inspiring gay lyrics are for boring ass songs that don't have enough masterpiecery with the sole melody. And it does have lyrics."  
"It doesn't."  
"Tadadadadada..."  
"HOLY YIAN KUT KU STOP SINGING THAT"  
"...da-dada, dadadada-dada tadadadadadada-da! hm, qué rico!"  
"Please stop"  
"See? it has lyrics. Just at the end. Qué rico!"

"That does not count."  
"Of course it does."  
"It doesn't."  
"You say that only because it's in Moxican you racist scum."  
"It's not moxican, it's spoonish."  
"Yeah whatever it's still rico."  
"Stop jerking around you don't even know how to speak spanish."  
"Of course i know i'll smash you down to queso fight me IRL."  
"First, you don't even know what queso means. Second, what is IRL supposed to mean?"  
"In Racoon Lagoon, n00b."  
"That place doesn't even exist"  
"AS A LEGENDARY EXPLORER I'LL BE THE ONE TO DISCOVER IT!"  
"You're a hunter, Dany. Or at least a hunter wannabe wannabe."  
"Why the double wannabe?"  
"Because you're not worth of being called a regular wannabe. You fail even at that."  
"Whatever i don't want to be a wabbanee"  
"Wannabe."  
"Wabbanee... Wassanee... Wasabi..."

"ZOMG RYOKO-SEMPAI IS BEEING WARUIMEAN TO ME DESU"  
"WHAT THE F-"  
"SHE'S CARRING ME WASABI *sob*"  
"Daniel."  
"H-hai, Ryoko-sempai?"  
"You don't know kokotonese either."  
"STOP BEING A MEANIE TO WATASHI DESU"  
"You're putting my patience to test."  
"RYOKO-SEMPAI DOES NOT NOTICE MY CURASHU ON HER"

A single golf swing was enough to send her annoying companion to the next area. Letting out a tired sigh, Ryoko picked up the supplies for the two of them and carelessly walked through the bridge by the waterfall. She was enjoying the relaxing sound of the falling crystaline water when her meditation was interrupted by muzzled growls and moans a bit ahead. Daniel's body was on his knees, his head buried in the earth. The moaning suddenly stopped.

"Oh shit no..."

She approached chris carefully and poked him. No response. She kicked him. No response. She even carefully slammed the hammer in one of his legs. No response.

"Oh my god what did i do?..."

She "carefully" grabbed him by his messy hair and pulled up, and all she could get out was a slight thud. Now really worried and with genuine care, she pulled him out. He looked unconscious and his eyes were closed.

"Dan talk to me"

No answer.

"Dany, if this is a joke, i'm not laughing."

No answer.

"Daniel please say anything to me."

This time she was answered by a loud fart.

"[The sphinter loosens after the subject dies.]" she remembered, on the verge of tears. "Dany... i didn't mean to..."

She left the corpse aside and started crying. She just killed one of her friends. What would she say to everyone? "Yeah, he was being a dick so i murdered him accidentally"? Not convincing. She'd go to jail, if not executed. Even worse, she'd be left to live as a permanent high risk arena gladiator for the rest of her life until any of those titans took her out...

"What... what have i done?..."  
"Hrrrrngh, tssssssh"

Some weird sounds came from Daniel's corpse. As she leaned to him, she realized he was snoring

"What the..."  
"SURPRISE :DDDDD"

He jumped at her smiling, his face still covered in mud. She smacked him.

"..."  
"Totally gotcha, huh? i'm sorry i held it this long, you looked so cute, worrying about me. I couldn't hold the fart though, that one was genuine."

"Ryoko...?"

"Uh-oh."  
"THIS TIME I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE I KILL YOU SON OF A BITCH I HOPE YOU HAVE MEGA DASH JUICE BECAUSE IF I CATCH YOU I'M GONNA GRIND YOU TO A MASS OF UNRECOGNIZABLE FLESH AND MIX YOU WITH A DUNG BOMB"

By the time she pronounced "son", he was already thirty steps away and at "hope" she was running towards him with a hand on her hammer's handle, ready to unsheathe it.

**INTERMISSION**

**_Are you a REAL hunter? Are you completely sure? No?_**

_**Do you wanna get ALL of dem hunter gals? of course.**_

_**Try the NEW Master Cola, with its 7 years old tradition!**_

_**Now available on your closest felyne kitchen!**_

_**Master Cola: because useful bonuses are for losers and women love pimps who fuck up every mission.**_

**END OF INTERMISSION**

"Quest Failed. Given quest time expired before objective accomplishing."

"Anything you want to say?"  
"I'm glad we run out of time, she was about to splat me a third time... Ouch!"

Ryoko punched him on the side.

"Stop for a second, you two. Half meter away from the other. That's better."  
"Um..."  
"Yes, Ryoko? If you're gonna say something, say it loud enough i can hear."  
"I-I'm sorry... B-but..."  
"But WHAT?"

Ryoko flinched. The somewhat older hunter clad in rathalos armor in front of her sighed and held his rage. Waiting some seconds to make sure he was calm, she answered.

"I-It was..."  
"Spit it out already"  
"It was HIS fault!"

The older hunter facepalmed a little bit too strong. When he finally tilted his face again the gauntlet's scaly silhoutte was stamped in red on his face. He didn't seem to care much.

"Seriously, you need to learn teamwork. Specially you Ryoko."

He stared right into her eyes. When their pupils met, she would have blushed harder if she wasn't already red as the Fatty Tomato in her plate.

"You've got real talent, you took out a great jaggi with your starter leather armor and bone hammer without even getting hit."

She managed to actually blush harder and was starting to take the dark burgundy color of Chris's Master Cola.

"Um, Ryoko... are you alright?"  
"Oh, um, yes."

Even if she tried she still looked like she was to start making the same bubbles that Daniel was making on his beverage.

"Daniel, that goes for you too... somewhat."  
"Oh am i really talented as much as ryoko-sempai?"  
"Shut up already. You're going to earn another punch, this time it'll be in the face and i won't stop it."

He laughed as Ryoko glared at Daniel. Seeing he had already loosened up she slowly faded from cola to tomato.

"Your Great Jaggi Quest report says: "Hunter didn't come back even 30 minutes after the quest deadline so a qualified hunter was sent to investigate. Hunter was found playing the Hunting Horn with a whole herd of Jaggi dancing around him, Alpha male included. When they turned hostile toward the guild's hunter, he seemingly gave orders to them with the music, and made them leave the zone in formation. Final veredict states monster repelled. Quest considered complete due to special circumstances-"..."

He was interrupted by Daniel, having some kind of laughter attack.

"Hahahahaha, yeah, that was one hell of a quest. I'd do it again."  
"Well... i will keep my comments unsaid."  
"Just go on."  
"Even when you haven't graduated from the academy, you were both given special opportunities to take the Great Jaggi hunt, and you finished... more or less. But now that you're given another opportunity to prove what you're worth, you flagrantly fail! at the JAGGIA quest? How couldn't you take only 6 Jaggia without killing yourselves?"  
"We were actually pretty close, dude. Ryoko took down 5 that showed up her way during her rampage."

This time, the punch was on the face and it gave out the sparkly light of critical hits.

"Don't say i didn't warn you, dan." He laughed.

He just laid there, without giving any sign of movement. Ryoko's blush was substituted by a disgusted frown.

"If you play dead again i'm going to stuff you in a barrel bomb, seal it with fulcium, and leave you at the sandy plains at the mercy of the diablos."

Daniel sitted again in a relatively normal positon, staring intently at the rathalos helmet on the table

"Wasn't diablo the moxican for devil?"  
"We've already discussed this."

"Playing dead?" the armored hunter raised an eyebrow.

Both Ryoko and Daniel stayed silent.

"Aight. Anyways, you better shut up, dan. You've already discovered that she does hold her promises"

Ryoko smiled sweetly at Daniel and he decided to agree with his sempa- i mean senior.

"Don't be so harsh on them, Frank. They're still kids"

She startled everyone with her sudden appearance, even Frank.

"Stop doing that, Joanne."

Joanne was a bit taller than Frank, and maybe even tied with him in muscle, but her figure was a lot smoother and curvier, this last attribute quite improved by her gigginox armor, the dark grey leather tight as always. Blood red hair fell over her forehead, almost covering her eyes.

"Yeah, it's fucking creepy. Besides, we're not kids anymore."

"Only a kid would have failed in such an easy quest"

The younger couple headdesked simultaneously while the other two hunters laughed at them. There was no hope to win the discussion if they were on the same team.

"Your graduation exam will be on a week, by the way."  
""WHAT?!""

Daniel and Ryoko were speechless. Ryoko recovered her consciousness first.

"I thought they were supposed to be in like three months or so..."

"I've already told you two, you're talented. A special case."  
"And you got a little help from this beatiful sweetheart"

Joanne pointed at herself and winked.

"There is only one condition for your special exam"  
"What is it?"  
"You will have to take it together."

Their team headdesk was heard all over port tanzia, and it's mighty sound would pass as a legend from the children to their dolls.


End file.
